24.2.15

Ex On The Beach 2 - Episode Four.



Episode 4 of our favourite MTV show shot mainly on a beach with people who are people’s ex’s felt like the calm before the storm. The calm was briefly disturbed when Mel unleashed the wrath, oh boy what a wrath! Then there were lots of grafting, a parsnip slip and a whole load of C U Next Tuesday’s being uttered here there and everywhere! Here’s what we learnt…

1. As soon as Gaz arrived Mel threw Connor aside like a pair of old socks (Hey look Adam, that analogy works for pretty much any situation!)
2. Jess thinks Rogan is the devil – well he has got horny down to a fine art.
3. Boat bum overload! We couldn’t keep up with the all the cheek.
4. Kayleigh has invested in one of Mel’s Slagdar’s and it gave Emily a reading of ‘Dirty Hoe’.
5. Anita popped out the ocean looking like Cousin It. Ah long hair life jacket problems.
6. Gaz doesn't like to eat off a plate… filth.
7. Forget nipple watch, it’s all about PARSNIP WATCH now! The parsnip in (just about) paper pants alert!
8. Kayleigh did seem to have more fun as a blonde, fancy that.
9. Rogan referred to himself as Rogie Bear. It shouldn't work but it kind of made his little speech even more adorable. The smooth bastard.
10. Anita has a case of parsnip peril.
11. Who knew sausages came in pairs hey Kayleigh.
12. C U Next Tuesday got more airtime than erm what's her name… you now, the one with the face…
13. Mel unleashed the wrath and it was mighty.
14. Poor little Connor was like a little cub trying to restrain 2 lionesses from devouring a mouthy gazelle he’d formed and unlikely friendship with. Definitely a Disney movie in the making.
15. Let's all chip in and get Morgan one of these 10 pound hoes they keep talking about, we’re starting to feel a bit sorry for him.
16. On those grabber machines in arcades we bet Gaz is the type of guy that goes for one rammed in a corner tied to a brick rather than the one perched top centre, just for the love of graft.
17. Rogan listed his boy Morgs above Jess. That's true guy love.
18. Dolphins. Dolphins. Dolphins. All wet an’ that.
19. Adam was having one those days where if he got a hit by a train it wouldn’t be clean and quick; he’d be dragged a thousand miles before getting pissed on by wild cats
20. Girls dig a rap apology.
21. Hey mum and dad how did you meet 'making chocolate cocks an' that' the start of a beautiful life together for Emily and Connor surely?
22. Adam was filmed speaking without a hat… we now realise why he wears one at all times. Terrible hair game Gabriel.
23. Second slagdar reading for Emily, massive massive whore.
24. I'm sorry I'm a prick is catchier than crabs.
25. Lukie G is the new understated stud. Turns out girls do love a rap apology.
26. Joe will forever be know to us as Noddy. Those ickle rosy cheeks, d’awww.

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